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{Sweet Leilani
Heavenly flower
I dreamed of paradise for two

You are my paradise completed
You are my dream come true}

Most everyone who knows us personally have heard the news, but I wanted to dust off the blog to share that our baby girl has arrived! 

Leilani Nokuthula Hazel was born this past Monday at 4:18 pm, weighing 8lbs 11oz and was 20 inches long.  I’ll write a more complete birth story soon, but for now I just wanted to share a few pictures and more details about how we chose her name—we’ve been asked that a lot!

{one of her first pictures after birth at the birth center}

Throughout my pregnancy, even before we knew she was a girl, Zion would refer to the baby as “Flower”.  He was so convinced we would be having a baby girl and the perfect name for her would be Flower!  So, of course, when the time came to choose a name, we really wanted to use a flower name.  Ironically, years ago when I was pregnant with Zion, before we knew what gender he would be, I had heard the name Leilani and fell in love with it.  We obviously didn’t get to use it that time, but it always stuck in the back of my head as my favorite girl’s name.  When that name came up this time in our conversations, we realized it was just meant to be as it means “heavenly flower”!  Although, to be honest, we’ve been calling her Flower just as much as Leilani since she was born :-)

{the proud big brothers snuggling their baby sister for the first time}

Nokuthula (pronounced like knock-oo-two-la) was a name we chose for several reasons.  We’ve always talked about using a South African name, to honor Paul’s home country and heritage, so we started perusing Zulu baby name lists to see if anything seemed fitting for our girl.  When we saw Nokuthula, which means “mother of quietness/peace”, it was another name that seemed meant to be as from the day I got my positive pregnancy test, I had been feeling like this child was a herald of peace in our lives.  I even wrote about my peace dove experience here on the blog.  From the time she entered my womb, our family’s life has changed in many ways, from a new home to new jobs and so forth, and throughout it all we’ve learned to be more and more trusting and peaceful through the process of transition.  Now that she’s born and we’re experiencing first hand what a quiet and peaceful baby she is, Nokuthula seems all the more fitting. 

Finally, her name Hazel is a family name, my paternal grandmother who passed away in 2009.  I always loved her name, I even remember telling her once I’d love to use that name for one of my daughters one day, and she laughed and said that was funny because she never liked her name!  I’m sure Grandma Hazel would laugh if she saw how Hazel has skyrocketed to one of the trendy names lately!  Since both boys’ third names were family names, we stuck with that order and put Hazel for her third name. 

So there you are…our little Leilani Nokuthula Hazel!  We have been basking in her sweetness and beauty the past 5 days…and, let’s be honest, dealing with the not so fun parts of adding the third child too ;-)  But overall it’s going pretty well, so hopefully I will have the time to capture her birth story in words soon and share that as well.  One thing is for certain, the words of Sweet Leilani are absolutely true, I feel like our paradise is completed now that she’s here…she is even better than my dreams! 

I wrote this whole long post yesterday, but the internet was being particularly obnoxious and I lost the whole thing!  So…here I am, trying again. 

I’m 27 weeks and 2 days today!  I snapped this picture yesterday afternoon amidst a very unglamorous day of cleaning bathrooms, organizing bookshelves, and finally attempting to put our master bedroom together (yep, that’s our bed still on the floor behind me!)  After a really busy and full weekend, it was nice just to take a day and try to get our lives back in order.  But let’s be honest, “order” is something I perpetually struggle with, so while some things were accomplished, I find myself trying to play catchup again today. 

That’s kind of been the theme of this pregnancy, in so many ways.  At the beginning I was feeling very sentimental, I wanted to cherish all the little moments of pregnancy knowing they would all be a series of goodbyes, this being our last.  I wanted beautiful belly pictures, a journal I kept from day one, regular blog posts on pregnancy, letters to this unborn child, etc, etc. 

Has this happened?  Not exactly.  Here I am, at the beginning of the third trimester.  While March 30th, the day I got the plus sign, feels like a very long time ago…it also feels like I just blinked my eyes and 27 weeks passed.  I haven’t documented as well as I’ve liked, I’ve complained more than I intended to, and in just three short months it will be over and this chapter of my life will close for good.  The thought of all of this brings a serious mixed bag of emotions. 

I’m going to take my own advice though, the advice I love passing out to everyone else…I’m giving myself grace.  I’m learning that I can acknowledge the miracle unfolding inside me without having to necessarily document every second of it.  I can enjoy the experience of baby kicks in the fleeting moments I notice them, while I chase my two boys around and clean the bathrooms.  I’m learning this is just what it means to be a busy wife and mother and homemaker extraordinaire, and I can’t get hung up on the small stuff. 

Just so I can say “I tried” though, I thought I would write down a few details about where I’m at right now:

The worst of my symptoms right now are just constant fatigue, swelling in my face and hands and ankles, waking up 4 or 5 times a night to go to the bathroom or massage out leg cramps, or the latest—restless legs syndrome!!  Oh, and let’s not forget my incredible mood swings and general feelings of irritation :-) 

I’ve gained anywhere from 20-23 pounds depending on the day and degree of my swelling. 

I continue to crave fresh fruits and sugary candy, particularly gummies, and really ice cold water. 

Zion is still really excited about having a new sister and asks tons of questions.  Phoenix still doesn’t quite understand, though he’s talking about it more.  He also claims to have a baby in his tummy too. 

Paul is still sweetly excited too, though I know he’s a pretty typical male in that the whole idea of pregnancy is hard for them to wrap their minds around sometimes.

Mostly, I’m just extremely excited to meet this baby girl and see what she’s going to be like—her personality (please pray for no colic this time!), what she looks like, how she’ll fit in with our boys and the whole family.  It’s going to be pretty special and I’m ready! 

With a little less than 17 weeks to go, we have definitely hit the point where baby Flower is blossoming (and making me blossom) beautifully! 

I’ve started my weekly progesterone (17p) shots finally, which are starting to exacerbate some of my symptoms.  The first shot I had to give to myself in the midwive’s office.  Picture this:  two children, both terrified of shots, Phoenix screaming bloody murder, Zion trying to climb into my lap.  Me, with my pants down as it has to be administered into my thigh.  My midwife, handing me a syringe with a needle 2 inches long, full of a thick oily progesterone.  Right as both kids let out a scream, I stab myself with the needle, resulting in severe muscle pain for 4 days.  Not a moment I care to repeat ever again!

Fortunately, my dear and loving husband offered to give me the shot this week, and he did a much better job at it!

From what I’ve read, everyone seems to react to these shots in different ways.  For me, I get more frequent headaches, muscle aches and pains (thought slightly less if it’s administered better than how I did it!), and for some reason the extra progesterone causes my body to swell, so from head to toe I have started retaining fluid.  I’ve also read these shots can increase the chances of insomnia, which I’ve had from day one of this pregnancy, so I’m not sleeping very well either. 

Aside from the effects of the shots, I don’t feel like my symptoms are too terrible this time.  Weight gain is steadily happening, especially now that I’ve got the extra fluid I’m retaining.  I’ve had some sciatic nerve pain, but nothing too crazy.  I think a large part of why I feel so good this time is thanks to the strict exercise regimen I was on before getting pregnant.  My muscles are in much better shape this time around than before Phoenix, so I don’t feel near as many problems in my hips and back, though I’m sure that will change as I get bigger later in the pregnancy! 

Emotionally, I’m all over the place.  I’ve been meaning to write more on here about all the things I’m thinking and feeling, but I oftentimes sit down and find my thoughts way too befuddled to put into words.  I have fears and worries, mostly regarding how the boys are going to react to the new baby and how the birth is going to go. 

I have no doubt that the act of giving birth will be just fine, I feel confident and at peace about the act itself.  My worries are more about where I’ll give birth.  I’m still going to the birth center about 1.5 hours from my house, and while I love it, I also know I have a history of QUICK labors, so I’m nervous about not making it there in time.  I’ve even started looking into home birth options, since I love the idea of being able to stay in one place once labor begins, however it’s looking like it’s going to be difficult to do that financially speaking…not to mention I’m less than thrilled with the thoughts of ever being transferred to the small hospital closest to our home.  I know transfers from home births are rare, but they do occur and I would want to know I would get the best care possible if that needed to happen. Then I think…would I rather endure being transferred there, or the possibility of giving birth on the side of the road on the way to the birth center??

SO…I have all of that to think about. 

When I feel overwhelmed with these thoughts, as corny as it might sound, I really only have to focus in on this baby girl inside me to feel better.  Her presence really does bring me peace and stillness.  It is still almost a jarring realization when it hits me…I feel so happy and so fulfilled knowing this child is going to be entering the world soon.  It feels so right, for lack of better words!  It’s jarring because I think with both boys I had so many doubts about myself and my ability to handle the task ahead.  That’s all I know of pregnancy is lots of uncertainty and lack of peace and depression.  This time I’m not struggling with depression, as in the past.  This time feels like we are all right where we’re supposed to be, and this little girl was meant to enter in at this moment. 

I think we are getting closer to settling on her name!  I’m not sure if we’ll announce it before or after she’s born, but I think it’s going to be so perfect.  When I hear Paul talk about it especially, it brings tears to my eyes because in some unknowing way we picked three names for our children that all fit together so beautifully.  A perfect beginning, middle, and ending. 

Paul, Zion, and Phoenix are all still very excited about her coming.  Phoenix is starting to understand a little more about what’s going on, and is requesting to “talk to baby” more often.  He likes to try and stick random crumbs from his meals in my belly button as “treats” for the baby, which I have to politely decline :-)  We’ve checked out lots of books from the library on preparing for a new baby.  There are some really great ones out there!

Despite the discomforts I’m feeling now and surely will over the next 17 weeks, I continue to do my best to soak in this time of life.  It’s such a unique and blessed time to be bringing a new life into the world. 

                                          {20 weeks + 4}

Well, we made it to the halfway point.  I thought I would share a different view in this picture.  If you can overlook the bad lighting/background/weird way I’m holding my pinky fingers (what is WITH that??), you can laugh along with me at my ever-expanding bump that looks more like a beer gut in this picture.  I think it’s safe to say I have officially outgrown any normal tops!

I get asked a lot how I’m feeling these days, and I really think if we weren’t having a little bit of a crazy summer with moving and all the other changes, I could honestly say I feel pretty darn amazing!  It’s just the related exhaustion from those things that brings me down most days.  Otherwise I have almost zero complaints at the moment.  This is pretty phenomenal considering I was still battling morning sickness at this point in my pregnancy with Phoenix! 

I think overall I’m just feeling much more comfortable this time around as well.  Of course it’s always a little disconcerting to see the number on the scale rising higher and higher, but it’s not really much of a shock when I catch a glimpse of myself in the reflection of a window or turn over in bed and find my belly blocking me from my favorite sleeping position.  It all just feels normal and natural.

Even my midwives appointments feel redundant this time.  I don’t have as many questions or concerns, and the closer I get to it, the less worries I have about actually birthing this baby.  It’s kind of amazing really.

And even as I write this, I realize how fortunate I am in even being able to say these things, so please don’t think I’m taking this whole experience lightly.  It might feel like second nature to me on my third go-round, but the miracle of it all is definitely not lost on me.  Everytime I feel this little girl moving around… that still catches me by surprise and fills me with awe. 

It still hasn’t fully sunk in that this will be a girlchild (although buying a cute dress or two has helped with that quite a bit).  Me being me, I’m not one to cling to gender stereotypes, but I do find it interesting how much calmer she’s been in the womb so far.  Zion was a wild child in the womb, and once Phoenix got strong enough to kick past that anterior placenta, I felt him pretty consistently as well.  This little girl has a couple of active periods during the day, usually at night and then first thing in the morning, and also moves a bit during or after meals, but otherwise I’d never know she was there.  I keep getting the feeling this is going to be a very peaceful baby, and whether that’s wishful thinking or not I am going to keep saying that and praying for that and hope it’s true!  

I am trying very hard to enjoy the last half of pregnancy and focus on this baby as much as I can.  Part of me would love for the months to fly by and her just to be here, but I am feeling more and more like this is for sure my last time going through all of this.  So I am making the most of it, taking my awkward belly pictures and writing a lot in my journal to document my thoughts and feelings and words I want to say to this child.  It’s a beautiful journey to be on, bringing new life into this world.

This photo pretty much captures life at the moment.   Me: a little dazed and just plain worn out, sporting a giant belly for 20 weeks.  Our new home: 10 days in and still mostly in disarray. 

Paul and I keep discussing how this year, our fifth year of marriage, so closely resembles our first year together.  2007 brought a new baby, graduation from college, marriage, new state, multiple moves, new job for Paul (and me, being a full time mom).  Pretty much every major life change you can think up…we lived through it. 

Well…here we go again!  We’ve got the move done, new baby cooking, Zion starting school in a few weeks, and the latest in big news is Paul will be starting a new job as of next week!  Every one of these changes will impact our family in many positive ways, but it is still overwhelming to wrap our minds around so much transition. 

We are loving the new home so far.  It is so nice to have more space inside, more space outside, and lots of peace surrounding us.  We have one busy road that produces some noise, but otherwise we don’t see our neighbors thanks to lots of trees.  Quite a change from apartments and duplexes we’ve been used to living in the past few years!  With the verdant yard and wall of tall pines around our home, it feels like we’re tucked away in our own little world.  The boys have had so much fun already exploring “the forest” as they call it.

On a personal note, I’ve had many opportunities to work on my patience since officially moving in.  Zion and Phoenix had a rough time last week as they got used to a new bedroom and unfamiliar walls and spaces.  Between the tantrums and crying spells and general naughtiness, it took everything within me not to yell and scream my way through the week right along with them.  When I felt my blood start boiling I tried really hard to remember what it feels like to be a child in a strange place.  So far, this week has been better as I’ve tried to arrange their spaces and help them feel more at home.  I know there are aspects they love about this place and we’re just trying to emphasize those as much as possible…as well as reminding them that a home is not just the roof over our heads, but being together as a family. 

Beyond that, dealing with utility companies and broken dishwashers and other mishaps along the way, I feel like I have already earned my stripes somewhat in this home!  But I can honestly say I am very very happy we found this place and I can tell once our furniture is finally arranged and we put our own homey touches up, we will be really content here.

I’ll write a separate post updating more on how pregnancy is going.  It is really hard to believe I’m already at the halfway point!  Time is racing by, and I’m doing my best to hang on to every moment.